When it comes to sex, guys are simple, right? Not true. The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, and as such, what you see and hear is typically the role, not the reality. It’s no wonder, in trying to please the actor, a woman loses sight of a guy’s true identity.
Here are 10 “unmasking” facts you may want to know:
1. We Respond to Praise
It’s believed that men are so consumed by our libido that we have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But men are no different from women when it comes to compliments as catalysts for sexual confidence. This praise can be delivered before reaching the bedroom (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look), and after (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look naked). Along those lines, men worry about the size of their guts (and other measurable organs), their hair (or lack thereof) and other attributes. Try to be extra affirming about those sensitivities.
2. We Fear Intimacy…
…but not for the reason you think! Studies have shown that boys are more affectionate, even more expressive, than girls until they reach school age. At that time, social repression begins—of words, thoughts, feelings—and our desire for human connection goes underground. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men—not because it’s smothering, but because we realize how desperate we are for it. What’s a woman to do? First, understand that your guy’s hasty retreat post-sex may be about his own shock at how much he craves a connection with you (and how much he’s denied it in life). Then, retreat a little yourself. This gives him time to see that his boyhood habits are, in fact, perfectly manly.
3. We Appreciate Sex for Sex’s Sake
Having said that about intimacy, sometimes a little “throw-me-down sex” is the right medicine. Men want their women to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it or take it personally. For men, it’s not about dominating a woman, but ravishing her. On occasion, try let him ravish you.
4. We Are Not Just Our…
The penis gets all the press, but men have many erogenous zones. Men tend not to correct women because they’re afraid women will shut down and not touch them at all. But there are many places a woman should touch. Like the chest, the inner thighs and face. Two other key areas: Gently gripping a man’s testicles can be a real turn-on, as it blends control with release. Also, stimulating the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, will heighten pleasure during oral sex.
5. We Encourage Fantasies
Men want to share their fantasies but worry their wives will shame or judge them. Men wish women would reveal their imaginings. Want to open yourself to these possibilities? Try making a game of it. First, and most important, promise not to judge the other; then, privately write out scenarios that have tantalized you and place them in a box. When you are next intimate, pull one out. If you’re both comfortable, give it a shot.
6. We Like It When You Talk
Talking during sex stimulates more than our ears. What kind of talk? Dirty, praising and instructive are great starts. As amusing as it may sound, a woman’s words can make a guy feel as potent and virile as a Roman gladiator, even if he’s a suburban banker.
7. We Need Your Honesty
Sex can solve the stresses of a relationship, but it’s often where the stresses show up. If we complain about a lack of sex (or your doing certain things only on our birthday), we may be overlooking serious issues that underpin such withholding. We need you to enlighten us. The male ego is often tied to sex, so it’s easy for us to dismiss bedroom problems as female disinterest rather than issues we have a part in. Avoiding these problems, however, only perpetuates your feeling unseen and our frustration.
8. We Enjoy the Dance
Men like a good quest; unfortunately, these days, there are so few. But romance earns that distinction. Allow us to court you; make us deserve your desire. Emotional intimacy is about closeness, but sustaining sexual desire demands a certain amount of distance. How do couples strike this tricky balance? By allowing each partner to have what he calls “separate sexuality”: a sexual life that doesn’t include, but doesn’t betray, the other. For him, that might mean allowing his wife to use toys or letting other men look at her; for her, it might be permitting him to watch pornography in order to experience a fantasy. Such indulgences help maintain the balance of desire and devotion for both parties.
9. We Can Explain Pornography
Finding a spouse using pornography is a top reason couples seek counsel, but it shouldn’t be overreacted to or pathologized. A few things to clear up: 1. Sex addicts represent only 4 percent of the population, so it’s unlikely your man is one. 2. Because childhood experiences influence sexuality as an adult, people are very idiosyncratic about what turns them on. In other words, no woman can, nor should she, be everything to a man. Still, the question remains: How does a woman not take pornography personally? First, determine if your mate is compulsive, or can only have sex, with pornography. If so, you may want to seek counseling. If not, take the secrecy out of pornography by discuss it. Use the lens of “what about it turns him on versus what turns you off.” That way, a dialogue is created that allows for honesty, dignity and closeness.
10. We Always Need It, But Not for the Reason You Think
Men are accused of being sexually insatiable, but women should rethink this. Men see sex as a celebrat. They wish women would take more of a ‘carpe diem’ approach to it. We move through life at the speed of sound, with multiplying challenges and pressures. It’s easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rob us of the joy, pleasure and opportunity that sex affords us. On the long list of priorities, it should not be on the bottom rung. If that doesn’t make you want to “seize the day” (or something else), consider the health benefits: Orgasms release oxytocin, which has been called the “bonding hormone,” bringing couples closer together while it alleviates anxiety and stress, reduces blood pressure and promotes healing.
She came in waves… multiple waves. She came many times over, she lost count of her orgasms as each wave got bigger than the last and she let herself go in wild abandon. Her pussy dripped wet sloppy juice; her voice was hoarse with moaning and screaming his name. Muttering sweet gibberish, his fingers and lips were all over her body.
She couldn’t tell which was which anymore. Was that his tongue on her nipples, flicking around them softly and then pulling on them with such intensity it triggered off another orgasm? Or were those his fingers? She couldn’t concentrate enough to figure out what he was doing to her clit. She felt him spread her lips apart and push the hood up till her pink clit was exposed. He licked it or flicked it, she didn’t know but it was such sweet torture. She sprawled and spread her legs wider and raised her hips to meet the source of such pleasure. OMG!
Orgasms are a miracle of creation, she thought as her legs shook violently and she arched her back in yet another orgasm. She could barely hear him grunting in approval, she was on another plane of multi-orgasmic dimensions. She knew it was a bit selfish that she could come that much, but then he did say he liked to watch her let go of herself like that.
He turned her over face down on the table in the hotel room which she could barely remember how they got there and eased his dick into her so slowly. She let out a long moan-like gasp. Damn! Just having him inside her felt so good! He held on to her waist, adjusted her round succulent ass on his dick. Then he moved inside her… forward and backward.
“Gosh baby your pussy is so sweet, damn!” He whispered.
She moaned as they both moved ever so slowly against each other. They’d been waiting for this moment such a long time that they needed to savour every moment.
They met at the airport 6 months ago. Her flight to Port-Harcourt had been delayed for nearly 2 hours and she had been concentrating on her phone which she was using to rant about the airline’s inefficiency and Nigeria’s general ineptitude.
“Is this seat taken?” A male voice interrupted her social media rant.
Barely looking up, she waved him aside “No.”
He eased himself beside her, almost invading her personal space but not quite. He stretched his long legs and his shoes caught her eye, shiny, black, expensive looking. Then she looked up and noticed his well-tailored trousers, fleetingly checked out his package as her eyes travelled up his body to his face. His eyes were waiting for her in a half smile.
“Henry” he stretched out his hand for a handshake.
Though she didn’t like strangers who were too forward with their familiarity, she smiled back as she shook his hand.
That was the beginning of a conversation that would last 6 months. Six months of phone calls, texting, sharing confidence and intimate thoughts, sexting, sending nudes but they had never found the right time to meet up. He lived in Abuja and she lived in Lagos. They both had demanding jobs that took all their time. All that waiting had built up so much longing. They both planned a weekend getaway to Calabar for the Christmas carnival. What a Christmas gift this was turning out to be.
He grabbed her butt and squeezed as he went in and out of her, her ass raised just in the right position to take his fully erect, hard dick. His dick filled her hot, wet pussy and she tightened her pussy walls so he could feel every pulsating bit.
“Fuck!” she gasped. “Why the fuck did we wait this long? This feels too good!” She groaned.
He lifted her from the table and carried her to the bed, turning her around to face him. She spread her legs wide open to receive him. He slid his slightly curved dick as he leaned into her.
“Oooooh” she moaned as she wrapped her long legs around his well-muscled back and threw her arms around his neck.
His throbbing dick inside her was the gift that kept on giving, it didn’t seem like she could get enough of his as he moved in out of her with more urgency. She dug her nails in his back and he pushed them closer and closer to the edge, she moaned and said to him…
“Tell me, do you like it?”
He grunted back… “I love it and from now I’m going to fuck this pussy like it’s mine and mine alone.”
His words tipped her over the edge into another shattering orgasm but this time he was right there with as he let out a loud groan as he poured himself into her.
This was going to be a weekend to remember.